[Team name / Current point total as of Monday morning (+/- from last week) / Snarky comment]
1. Franklin Comes Alive (Chris Rosen) (me!) / 144.5 (+4): Looking forward to anchoring my 2009 squad with Josh Hamilton and Kevin Youkilis off career years, and Dustin Pedroia and his sure to be 760 OPS.
2. Made In The Dark (Justin) / 139.5 (-3.5): Definition of August Panic: Adding Jensen Lewis and Chris Perez.
3. The Audacity of VORP (Crimmings) / 125.5 (-4.5): Is this a 4 SS league?
4. Worst Offense Ever (Kenny) / 124 (-4.5): Kenny managed to trade Derek Jeter and Adrian Beltre, two guys who statistically could be on the waiver wire for Justin Verlander, a guy who statistically is the waiver wire. And I still think that was a good trade.
5. Bandera’s Mullet (Joey) / 118 (+3): Quietly, Alex Rios is a becoming a post-hype keeper. He’ll end the year with 35-40 steals, 45 doubles and 10 HRs. If he puts 10 of those doubles out of the park in 2009, he’ll end up at 20-40-300.
6. The Worsts (Brian) / 117 (+7.5): Brian has Tim Wakefield on his disabled list. I can’t think of one reason why he wouldn’t just be on the wire.
7. Backslider (Alex) / 108 (-8):Courtesy of Buster Olney: Aaron Harangkeeps getting pounded, Joe Reedy writes. His numbers before his four-inning relief outing on May 25: 2-6, 3.50 ERA, an opponents’ batting average of .258. His numbers since then: 1-7, 9.06, an opponents’ batting average of .389.
8. Ryan Braun and the Shit (Kris) / 96 (+4): And Carl Crawford hits the waiver wire.
9. No Drowning (Nick) / 87 (+6): I was so glad to look at Nick’s team on Sunday and see that he did indeed have Melvin Mora in his lineup.
10. Avoid The Clap (Tony) / 71.5 (-3): You know it’s a bad year when you give 261 at bats to Jorge Cantu
11. Rayburn (Chris Bleak) / 71.5 (+0.5): Is it just me or is Grady Sizemore terribly over-rated?
12. 2nd Half Push (Chris Gottsegen) / 46 (-1.5): Question of the week: Can Chris keep his team above 40 points?
[Team name / Current point total as of Monday morning (+/- from last week) / Snarky comment]
1. Made In The Dark (Justin) / 142.5 (+0.5): Carlos Lee, we’ll see you in 2009.
2. Franklin Comes Alive (Chris Rosen) (me!) / 140.5 (-1.5): Hidden arm injury alert! Carlos Zambrano will be on the DL by the end of the month.
3. The Audacity of VORP (Crimmings) / 130 (+3.5): Still rostering Paul Konerko.
4. Guys John Wanted 2 Own (Kenny) / 128.5 (0): Acquired Albert Pujols and Jose Reyes in the same week. Sounds about right. And yet he’s still routinely hanging up “5-for-27’s”
5. Backslider (Alex) / 116 (+1):Nothing makes me happier than seeing Aaron Harang’s career unravel…
6. Bandera’s Mullet (Joey) / 115 (+0.5): …except for Joba Chamberlain being hurt. Nothing makes me happier than seeing that cocky ass on the DL.
7. The Worsts (Brian) / 109.5 (+1.5): Another week, another opportunity for Ryan Dempster to make me look stupid.
8. Ryan Braun and the Shit (Kris) / 92 (+4.5): Carl Crawford goes on the DL, cementing last week’s trade as the worst in league history.
9. No Drowning (Nick) / 81 (+1): Guy who will be totally overvalued going into 2009: Rafael Perez.
10. Avoid The Clap (Tony) / 74.5 (-1): B.J. Upton, idiot. From the New York Times:The Rays, filled with young talent like third baseman Evan Longoria, center fielder B. J. Upton and a rotation manned by Scott Kazmir, James Shields and Matt Garza, are led by a 54-year-old manager who players insist is younger than they are. Sure, Maddon has adorned the clubhouse with inspirational quotes from the likes of Albert Camus. (“I don’t think he ever played here,” Upton said.)
11. Rayburn (Chris Bleak) / 71 (-8): When I said “start trading for keepers,” I didn’t mean for you to trade with my competition.
12. 2nd Half Push (Chris Gottsegen) / 47.5 (-2): Chris should be good and ready for fantasy football.
We’ve all heard LastPlaceto butcher the name of our league over and over again but what you may not have known is that they’re currently running a special.
[Team name / Current point total as of Monday morning (+/- from last week) / Snarky comment]
Why do I bother?
1. Made In The Dark (Justin) / 142 (+8.5): I’d like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that ERA is the tiebreaker that Yahoo! uses to decide placing.
2. Franklin Comes Alive (Chris Rosen) (me!) / 142 (+3): It turns out that I was the big winner in the controversial Justin/Crimmings swap of Brett Myers and Jorge Posada.
3. Berkman and the 1-4s (Kenny) / 128.5 (-1): Brandon Backe has more home runs in the last month then Lance Berkman does.
4. The Audacity of VORP (Crimmings) / 126.5 (-3.5): Not content with having Johan Santana and his complete lack of wins, Crimmings decided to trade for Matt Cain this weekend as well. If he wants Derek Lowe, I’m sure I can arrange something.
5. Backslider (Alex) / 115 (-3.5):And there goes Tim Hudson.
6. Bandera’s Mullet (Joey) / 114.5 (-2.5): Joba, Liriano, Billingsley, Baker, Duchscherer. If this was 2009, Joey would have won the league by 10 points.
7. Lou Diamond Phillips (Brian) / 108 (-3): Ryan Dempster, still making me look like a fool.
8. Spicy Club Sauce (Kris) / 87.5 (-5): Worst trade in the history of the league alert! Kris trading Pat Burrell and Chad Billingsley for Carl Crawford is vomit inducing. Did you know that Fred Lewis has a higher batting average, higher OPS, more extra base hits, the same amount of runs scored and only five less steals then Carl Crawford?
9. No Drowning (Nick) / 80 (+3.5): Sneaky good season: A.J. Pierzynski.
10. Rayburn (Chris Bleak) / 79 (+5.5): Seriously, here’s a tip: start trading for keepers.
11. Avoid The Clap (Tony) / 75.5 (+2): Tony’s 3.36 team ERA has to be one of the lowest in league history.
12. 2nd Half Push (Chris Gottsegen) / 49.5 (-4): Is it too early to proclaim Ian Kinsler next year’s Troy Tulowitzki?
[Team name / Current point total as of Monday morning (+/- from last week) / Snarky comment]
Is there anybody alive out there!?!
1. Franklin Comes Alive (Chris Rosen) (me!) / 139 (-0): In prepartion for a potential 2nd straight title, I went back to my original team name from this year. It ain’t easy bein’ brown. Also, I probably didn’t need Brian McCann anyway. Hello Chris Snyder and Jason Varitek.
2. Made In The Dark (Justin) / 133.5 (-2.5): We all thought Justin’s lineup would propel him to the league championship, but who knew. His lineup sucks. Now that pitching is a different story.
3. The Audacity of VORP (Crimmings) / 130 (+4): Crimmings is probably going to take a lot of heat for the trades he made this weekend, but for the first time this year, I’m going to give him credit. Yes, dealing Ian Kinsler and Carlos Zambrano and only getting back Ichiro and Jon Papelbon seems a little foolish on the face of things. But maybe it isn’t. Maybe Kinsler has that predictable fall off that we have all expected for the last 2 months. Maybe Zambrano really sucks (he does.) Maybe Ichiro has a 350 month left in him (he doesn’t–it’s painfully obvious that he’s become an “every-other-year” player.) Maybe Papelbon is the best pitcher in the AL for the rest of the season. Maybe, just maybe, Crimmings finishes 2nd.
4. Berkman and the 1-4s (Kenny) / 129.5 (+0.5): It’s fitting that Kenny has John Grabow, after writing up a scathing slam job on him eariler in the year. Naturally he got a loss on Sunday.
5. Backslider (Alex) / 118.5 (-4.5): How to finish 5th, Chapter 16: Follow up Brandon Webb and Tim Hudson with Mike Pelfrey, Armando Galarraga, John Lannan, Jamie Moyer.
6. Bandera’s Mullet (Joey) / 117 (+3.5): Jermaine Dye is having a great year.
7. Lou Diamond Phillips (Brian) / 111 (+2): Why is Edgar Renteria still on Brian’s team?
8. Spicy Club Sauce (Kris) / 92.5 (+5.5): Kris is rapidly becoming the Robinson Cano of La Ruina.
9. No Drowning (Nick) / 76.5 (-8.5): If you were wondering what team David DeJesus was on, look no further than Nick. Owning David DeJesus is a sure sign that you aren’t having a good fantasy season.
10. Avoid The Clap (Tony) / 73.5 (+2): Tim Lincecum for life!
11. Rayburn (Chris Bleak) / 73.5 (+2): Here’s a tip: start trading for keepers.
12. 2nd Half Push (Chris Gottsegen) / 53.5 (-4.5): Clearly the team name is the work of a delusional psychotic. But otherwise, I have to give Gottsegen a lot of credit. Unlike some of the teams at the bottom (rhymes with “Rayburn”), Gottsegen is smartly looking ahead to 2009. Two days ago, he had a crappy last place team with questionable guys to keep. Now he can choose from Justin Morneau, Garrett Atkins, Ian Kinsler, Aramis Ramirez and Felix Hernandez. Or he can package two guys and upgrade even further. It’s the smart play. He might not crack 70 points (though with the players he’s added in the last 72 hours, he could), but he’s set himself up for a great 2009. Now we all know he’ll blow it by drafting Jeff Kent, Derek Jeter and Jarrod Washburn entirely too early, but still. Well done.
[Team name / Current point total as of Monday morning (+/- from twoweeks ago) / Snarky comment]
1. The Starlighters (Chris Rosen) (me!) / 139 (-0.5): Don’t worry everyone! According to Crimmings, my team is “done.”
2. Made In The Dark (Justin) / 136 (-4.5): “Hmmm. Do I add Jesus Flores? Or John Buck? No, maybe I’ll add Jason Varitek since he’s on the Red Sox.”
3. Berkman and the 1-4s (Kenny) / 128.5 (+4): I’m shocked that Kelly Johnson is still on Kenny’s team. I would have guessed “released” if given the choice.
4. The Audacity of VORP (Crimmings) / 126 (+6.5): Maybe Crimmings can hand Doumit to Justin now that Posada is finished.
6. Bandera’s Mullet (Joey) / 113.5 (+1): Erik Bedard has now pulled even with Travis Hafner in the battle for “Worst First Round Pick of 2008.”
7. Lou Diamond Phillips (Brian) / 109 (+6.5): Is it just me or is Kosuke Fukudome the most over-rated player in baseball? While you ponder that, I’d like to introduce Jacoby Ellsbury to earth.
8. Spicy Club Sauce (Kris) / 87 (+9): The Troy Tulowitzki Era has ended.
9. No Drowning (Nick) / 85 (+5): Evan Longoria is an absolute stud.
10. Avoid The Clap (Tony) / 71.5 (-5.5): You know who has had a sneaky terrible season? B.J. Upton: 271/6 HR/44 RBI/28 SB.
11. Rayburn (Bleak) / 71.5 (-10.5): Kerry Wood predictably hits the DL and it doesn’t mean one thing to Bleak’s team.
Over at my blog, 42 Inch Television, I decided to do what every single other blogger on earth did last night and keep a running diary of the All-Star Game.
11:05: David Wright does his Carlos Beltran impression, striking out looking to end the inning. Despite the fact that the run scored because of an error, Jon Papelbon gets booed off the field like he’s Alex Rodriguez circa 2006.
Since it’s the All-Star Break, I’m going to do things a little differently with this week’s Power Rankings. Instead of just burying your team with a snarky comment about one of your underachieving players, I’m going to bury you. Using a very scientific system that I just invented this very second, I’m going to give every manager a score on the patented The Willie Randolph Scale of Managing Ineptitude.
If you score a 10, it means you are completely inept, like Willie Randolph. If you score a 1, it means you aren’t terrible, like Jerry Manuel.
1. Made In The Dark (Justin) / Willie Scale: 1
Like Vintage Joe Torre, Justin really hasn’t had to do much managing this year. He kept Hanley Ramirez, Chase Utley and Alex Ciccone Rodriguez, so logically he should finish at least 2nd or 3rd. But to Justin’s credit, his wire moves have been very good. Cliff Lee, Jason Giambi and Mike Mussina have all paid unexpected dividends for his squad. And while losing J.D. Drew probably hurt his lineup, since Vernon Wells and Hideki Matsui are injured, getting Jon Lester for him was a good haul. He also heisted me for Matt Cain, but lets keep that between us. He was the favorite before the draft. He was the favorite on Opening Day. And he’s the favorite at the All-Star Break.
Question: Does the rest of the country tailgate like this?
I ask because last weekend I made it to Miller Park for a few games and it dawned on me that I’ve never seen people tailgate like this at other stadiums. It was a weird realization because this is what I grew up with and I just figured everyone got wasted and sated in the parking lot before the game.
