[Team name / Current point total as of Monday morning (+/- from last week) / Snarky comment]
1. Made In The Dark (Justin) / 142.5 (+0.5): Carlos Lee, we’ll see you in 2009.
2. Franklin Comes Alive (Chris Rosen) (me!) / 140.5 (-1.5): Hidden arm injury alert! Carlos Zambrano will be on the DL by the end of the month.
3. The Audacity of VORP (Crimmings) / 130 (+3.5): Still rostering Paul Konerko.
4. Guys John Wanted 2 Own (Kenny) / 128.5 (0): Acquired Albert Pujols and Jose Reyes in the same week. Sounds about right. And yet he’s still routinely hanging up “5-for-27’s”
5. Backslider (Alex) / 116 (+1): Nothing makes me happier than seeing Aaron Harang’s career unravel…
6. Bandera’s Mullet (Joey) / 115 (+0.5): …except for Joba Chamberlain being hurt. Nothing makes me happier than seeing that cocky ass on the DL.
7. The Worsts (Brian) / 109.5 (+1.5): Another week, another opportunity for Ryan Dempster to make me look stupid.
8. Ryan Braun and the Shit (Kris) / 92 (+4.5): Carl Crawford goes on the DL, cementing last week’s trade as the worst in league history.
9. No Drowning (Nick) / 81 (+1): Guy who will be totally overvalued going into 2009: Rafael Perez.
10. Avoid The Clap (Tony) / 74.5 (-1): B.J. Upton, idiot. From the New York Times: The Rays, filled with young talent like third baseman Evan Longoria, center fielder B. J. Upton and a rotation manned by Scott Kazmir, James Shields and Matt Garza, are led by a 54-year-old manager who players insist is younger than they are. Sure, Maddon has adorned the clubhouse with inspirational quotes from the likes of Albert Camus. (“I don’t think he ever played here,” Upton said.)
11. Rayburn (Chris Bleak) / 71 (-8): When I said “start trading for keepers,” I didn’t mean for you to trade with my competition.
12. 2nd Half Push (Chris Gottsegen) / 47.5 (-2): Chris should be good and ready for fantasy football.
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