La Ruina

[Team name / Current point total as of Monday morning (+/- from last week) / Snarky comment]

Instead of the “Power Rankings,” I thought it would be fun to take a look at one player from each of our teams having a ridiculous (either good or bad) season. Enjoy. Stats are as of Sunday, so Cliff Lee’s 21st win isn’t accounted for.

1. Franklin Comes Alive (Chris Rosen) (me!)

Dustin Pedroia: .330 BA, .880 OPS, 192 H, 111 R, 17 HR, 76 RBI, 17 SB

I remember I only drafted Pedroia because I wanted to screw Gottsegen over and force him to take Jeff Kent. Who would have known that maneuver would have worked out so smashingly on all fronts.

2. Worst Offense Ever (Kenny)Ervin Santana: 15-5, 192 IP, 191 K, 3.23 ERA, 1.11 WHIP, 4.34 K/BB

This could have easily been Alexei Ramirez, since he’s a stud and poised to be a stud for a long time, but Ervin is the choice. Can you believe those numbers? I can’t. This guy was the worst pitcher in the league last year not named Edwin Jackson. Now he’s a borderline top-5 Cy Young candidate and on a bad team (like Alex’s), he’s a keeper. Amazing.

3. Made In The Dark (Justin)

Cliff Lee: 20-2, 194.1 IP, 149 K, 2.32 ERA, 1.05 WHIP, 5.52 K/BB

Justin pulled the probable AL Cy Young winner off the waiver wire, and while I know we’ve all realized how good he’s been, it needs to be mentioned again. Look at those numbers. They are beyond laughable. This might be the best waiver wire selection in the history of La Ruina. We are all looking forward to the 12-9, 4.23 ERA follow-up next season when Lee appears as Justin’s #3 keeper.

4. Bandera’s Mullet (Joey)

Mariano Rivera: 5-5, 33 Saves, 1 Blown Save, 63 IP, 71 K, 1.43 ERA, 0.68 WHIP, 11.83 K/BB

Okay, it’s a cliche to say that Mariano is getting better with age, but seriously look at those stats. They are CLOWN CAR. Yes, his K/BB is over 11. Everyone is talking about K-Rod for a potential Cy Young, but anyone who has actually seen one game this year knows that he’s just compiling saves at a hazard to his WHIP. He sucks. Mo is the best reliever in the AL. Always has been, always will be.

5. The Audacity of VORP (Crimmings)

A.J. Burnett: 16-10, 193 IP, 201 K, 4.47 ERA, 1.40 WHIP, 2.58 K/BB

Crimmings has lots of guys with terrible or monster seasons (Quentin, Tulowitzki, Chris Black Young), but I’m most shocked at Burnett. Not because of his ERA and WHIP, which are normal, since he’s a terrible piece of shit. It’s the wins. How does this guy have 16 of them? The Blue Jays score 1 run per game (estimated.) And his ERA is 4.47. This is one of the most amazing seasons I’ve seen in years. It literally doesn’t make any sense. I can’t wait to see which idiot team gives him a huge off-season contract (Yankees) and which manager drafts him way to high in our league (Gottsegen.)

6. Ryan Braun and the Shit (Kris)

Carlos Delgado: .260 BA, .840 OPS, 134 H, 78 R, 31 HR, 96 RBI

When Willie Randolph was managing his team with the gusto of Joe Torre after taking three Tylenol PM’s, Delgado was the worst player in baseball. He should have been released. Not just in Ruina, I mean in Major League Baseball. Then Jerry Manuel took over and Delgado went bonkers. He’s a piece of human garbage for what he did for the last season and a half under Randolph, but you can’t ignore what he’s done since he got Willie fired. He’s going to finish 35-110. At least. And honestly, he should be the NL MVP.

7. The Worsts (Brian)

Ryan Dempster: 15-6, 183.2 IP, 167 K, 2.99 ERA, 1.21 WHIP, 2.32 K/BB

I hate Ryan Dempster.

8. The $3600 Suit (Alex)

Matt Holliday: .326 BA, .966 OPS, 159 H, 99 R, 24 HR, 79 RBI, 25 SB

Holliday is obviously having a great year, but I was shocked at how few RBI he has this year. 79? That’s it? That sucks. Mark DeRosa has more RBI. But along those same lines, how does he have 25 steals? Where did that come from?

9. No Drowning (Nick)

Mark Reynolds: .238 BA, .789 OPS, 113 H, 83 R, 27 HR, 92 RBI, 9 SB

Bet you didn’t know you could have pulled Adam Dunn or Ryan Howard off the waiver wire. But you could have. And gotten 10 SBs as well. This guy sucks, but he’ll go 30-100-10 and not many players can actually say that.

10. Avoid The Clap (Tony)

Ryan Ludwick: .299 BA, .965 OPS, 145 H, 95 R, 32 HR, 99 RBI, 4 SB

Ludwick has amazing numbers. Another guy pulled off the wire who could actually be a keeper.

11. Rayburn (Chris Bleak)

Francisco Rodriguez: 2-2, 54 Saves, 6 Blown Saves, 60.1 IP, 68 K, 2.54 ERA, 1.24 WHIP, 2.27 K/BB

Bleak’s team is really atrocious. Also, he’s 300 innings under, a sure to be record. I’m highlighting K-Rod here just because I can’t believe a closer with 6 blown saves and a WHIP north of 1.20 is being called a possible MVP or Cy Young contender. This guy sucks. When the Rangers throw 13 million a year at him next season, does he become untouchable? Answer: Yes.

12. 0 (Chris Gottsegen)

Dice-K: 16-2, 146.2 IP, 131 K, 2.88 ERA, 1.33 WHIP, 1.56 K/BB

How Dice-K has 16 wins and an ERA under 3 with his WHIP and K/BB numbers is about as confusing as AJ Burnett’s win total. If you’ve watched Dice-K pitch one game this year, you probably had to run to the bathroom soon after viewing. He’s the baseball version of White Castle. I could have taken any offensive player on Gottsegen’s team, since they are all, en masse, the biggest losers I’ve ever seen, but I figured I’d go positive with Dice-K’s bizarrely excellent season.