[Team name / Current point total as of Monday morning (+/- from last week) / Snarky comment]
1. Franklin Comes Alive (Chris Rosen) (me!) / 156.5 (+6.5): Carlos Zambrano gives me my second no-hitter in the last two seasons. Do I get anything for that?
2. Worst Offense Ever (Kenny) / 139.5 (+8): No one needed Andre Ethier.
3. Made In The Dark (Justin) / 137 (+4): I’m thinking Justin should keep Jon Lester. If he doesn’t win 21 games next year, I’ll be shocked. He’s like Andy Pettitte circa 1997, but better.
4. Bandera’s Mullet (Joey) / 119 (-1.5): Robinson Cano is the worst player in baseball.
5. The Worsts (Brian) / 114 (-3.5): Remember when Danny Haren was good?
6. The Audacity of VORP (Crimmings) / 112 (-9.5): Not sure which I love more: the fact that the Brewers are imploding and embarrassing themselves on their way to becoming the 2007 Mets, or the fact that Crimmings’ team won’t even finish top-4, and most likely, will finish 7th or 8th. Is there a binder labeled “September fade?”
7. Garbage Time Points (Kris) / 108.5 (+3): Kris is looking for the back door cover.
8. The $3600 Suit (Alex) / 107.5 (+1.5): Jesse Litsch, John Lannan, Jaime Moyer, Yusmeiro Petit and Chan Ho Park. Alex’s 2008 pitching staff!
9. No Drowning (Nick) / 85 (-2): No relevance.
10. Avoid The Clap (Tony) / 70 (+1): When does Tim Lincecum hit the DL in 2009? May? June? I’m betting June. I’ve got “forearm strain” and “June 18th” in The Freak injury pool.
11. Rayburn (Chris Bleak) / 62.5 (-9): Remember when Chris won the league in 2006? I believe that’s what we call an “outlier.”
12. 0 (Chris Gottsegen) / 36.5 (-7.5): Hmm, what else is there to say? Oh, that’s right: LOL! 36.5 points!!!!!! Really? Are you serious?!? That’s not a misprint? I have never, in my life, seem something so rancid. I would make a joke about how Gottsegen’s team is like Lehman Brothers, but I think that would be an insult to Lehman Brothers. How bad is this team? That’s a rhetorical question. We all know it’s atrocious. Add 100 points to his number and Chris is still only in 4th.
2 responses so far ↓
1 Ken // Sep 15, 2008 at 2:30 pm
36.5 pts, you suck at this.
“In summary, I like my team, but it definitely has holes. So does everyone elses though. I have a whole mess of guys who’ll hit between .280 and .300 with 20-30 homers and 80-100 RBI’s. My starting staff is shaky behind Santana and Carmona, but I like my chances there. My closers/relievers are dominant. I predict a top half finish, and if the ball bounces my way, who knows. Let’s play some ball.”
Please name these players that were going to hit between .280 and .300 with 20-30 hrs and 80-100 rbis. I think Atkins and Guerrero were the only guys on your team that approached that.
While I’m on the site, let me comment for you,
“Kenny Frank is a douchebag”
2 Gottsegen // Sep 15, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Thank you for saving me the effort. Douchenozzle.
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